I think it all comes to understanding. Two different individuals coming together have their areas where they disagree. It takes a lot of understanding to overcome it tbh. Both want to be right and yes, in their eyes, they are. It takes a lot of conscious effort to step down a notch and come to a mutual ground of compromise. He has asked me to not to do some things which are not good for us and I have agreed after a long time because I came to see how it can affect the bond that we have. Same goes for him. It’s not about giving up something for the sake of SO, more like accommodating. Instead of keeping receipts on who did what for whom, sacrifices made, it’s more about assimilating and blending to form a unique color. Lol just imagine two mutually exclusive venn diagrams coming together and slowly coming to a union. You have parts of you separate and combined too.
That said, it does take a lot of effort tho and also self reflection. Arguments, misunderstandings happen, lots of ugly crying, hurting each other and uncertainty about “us”. Doubts come creeping in. But then, just his smile and the thought of growing old next to each other, makes me realize how much I value us. Lol I grew up wanting something like that in those cheesy romance novels I used to read. We are fighting yes, but I still want him to be on the phone even if we’re not speaking. I am stubborn and there have been times when I made issues of small things and it does irk me a lot to acknowledge my wrongdoings. I like how patient he is even when I intentionally push some of his buttons 😭 I dont know if I am toxic or just playful but I do know I love him a lot and he really likes all sides of me. Just think of an angel being together with an imp. Never have I found such acceptance and I value it so much, more than anything. So the effort is worth it.
P.S. We just had a fight yesterday and here is my self reflection. I really love that person hau to the point of being irritated by how I am feeling.